tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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