So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No I am not eating basil off your cock
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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