ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
honey bunches of taint.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
