last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
