How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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