His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
