mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
