My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
