oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
