you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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