i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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