I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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