Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
