Plan B is the new Plan A
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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