yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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