Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
