im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
