So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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