I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
