what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
