Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
