the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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