whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
