I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
