Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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