But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
