i need an iv and a liver transplant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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