you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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