I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
