i was born a porn star she said
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
