it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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