You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
