Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
