I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
