STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
