FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize