It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
