You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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