Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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