she peed on how many people?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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