i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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