can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
