Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
