I feel like abortions should bother me more
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
