Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
