There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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