Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize