I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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