Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize