the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
