just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
