Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Barsexuality is the new black.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
