I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
