Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
