I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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