I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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