Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
