he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
