i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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