you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize