i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
