no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
