Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
