Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
