Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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